As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
