In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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