got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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