How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
