Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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