I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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