I just saw a hot homeless man
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
