Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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