I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize