I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We got so high we made milksteak
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
