carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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