I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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