Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
