at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
