It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
