No awkward lesbian experiences without me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
