I wish I could teleport
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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