The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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