apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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