you didnt know i had herpes?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
