Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
