Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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