When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
