I got chris browned last night
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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