You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
