I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
