I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
