theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
