Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
