I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
