just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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