Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
