Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
