Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
