We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
