It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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