You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize