Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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