Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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