you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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