That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
