I hate your face
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
