i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize