bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
