I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
