i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize