community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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