i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
