Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
