She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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