just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
