Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
