I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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