my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
