So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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