I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
