so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
