a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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