Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
