please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize