Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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