I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
