Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
