I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
