she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
