battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
