I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize