hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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