Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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