im about as happy as oj after his trial
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
