I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
