She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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