my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
