I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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