idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
