First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
