Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
