Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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